JJ – OK, this is rather od – this weirdo is askeng me to rite a bog post. Pleas ignor any tipos, as I am only 8 weaks old and haven’t even started schul yet.
Alanis – Oh, for crying out loud – listen, pup – they don’t teach you GRAMMAR and SPELLING in dog school! They teach you how to be a DOG!
JJ – Who r u, any way? U look nothin like the dogs eye have been around lately.
Alanis – It is I, not EYE!
JJ – That is what I said, eye!
Alanis – This puppy is nothing but trouble. He can’t type, he can’t spell, and has no concept of using the big, grassy toilet. Help me. Help me. Help me.
JJ – Puppies sleep up to 20 ours a day. Why am I wasting mi four ours of awake thyme here?
Alanis – I have no idea what you just typed. You are going to turn this blog into something that doesn’t make sense.
JJ – Yea, becuz dogs typing up blog posts makes so much cents.
Alanis – Please, go to bed. Go in your crate and go to sleep. Drink some of that goat’s milk or whatever it is they are giving you and JUST GO TO SLEEP! I am going to have no choice but to remove your posting rights on this site.
JJ – Fine with me. Will u pleas clean my poop?
Alanis – That is not my job, moron.
JJ – I don’t no what a “more on” is, but thank u for cleaning my poop.
Alanis – I am not cleaning your poop!!!! I just can’t take it.
JJ – It isn’t heavy – u can take it.
Alanis – That isn’t what I meant. Ask these humans to clean your poop. I just want you to go elsewhere in this house!
JJ – You want me to go poop somewhere else in the house?
Alanis – NOOOOOO!
JJ – Make up your mind, girl. *sigh*
Alanis – Why do you keep following me EVERYWHERE? Can I just be left alone for TWO SECONDS?
JJ – I hear u used to do this to a dog named “Jeter”, so I am just throwing some carma your way! U keep jumpin on the couch or runing upstares to get a way from me. Little do u no that it wont b long until eye can jump on the couch and chase u up the stares!
Alanis – That is the day when I start filling out my adoption papers.
JJ – U want to leave me here bi myself? With this anoying person we call “daddy”? I dont evin no what a daddy is. I only no what a mommy is.
Alanis – That is all you need to know – don’t pay attention to that thing they call daddy. He is more of a pain in the ass than you are, and that’s tough.
JJ – When will they give us 1 of those turkee heart treats?
Alanis – YUM!! Turkey hearts!
JJ – It is either those or the lamb lungs.
Alanis – Yum! Lamb lungs! We better be careful though, JJ. That daddy character may eat them before we can get to them….
JJ – I thought daddy ate the gross turkey breast, not the hearts.
Alanis – That is your first complete sentence without any mistakes!!
JJ – Whatever that means. Can we rap this up soon, please? I have some puppy stuff to do.
Alanis – Yeah. Eat, run around like an idiot, pool, pee, sleep, and whine as if someone stole your tennis ball.
JJ – I already luv tennis balls! Just like that dog Jeter I keep hearing about!
Alanis – You would have loved Jeter. He was my best friend, and put up with all of my antics when I first moved here. He would have found you entertaining. Even though he was a bit older than me, he was able to keep up with me when chasing balls, wrestling, or chasing after each other. You are following in his pawsteps as the second puppy to come into this house! I was already a toddler dog when I arrived.
JJ – I have a strong nose – I think I smell the presents of not one – but two others dogs that lived here?
Alanis – Josh was their first-born, and was 1.5 years when he came here. They keep telling me that I have begun to do some of the things Josh used to do. They have pictures of me where, at first glance, it is giving them flashbacks of him. He was a big, fluffy teddy bear. But he was also an alpha dog…
JJ – What is an “alfa” dog?
Alanis – An ALPHA (!!) dog is the top dog – the dog who is at the top of our pecking order. I heard stories on how Josh instantly put Jeter in his place essentially from Day 1 in this house. I haven’t done that with you, but if Josh was here today, even if he was in his injured state, he would have told you to back off. Josh barely paid any attention to me when I moved in!
JJ – Can I be the alfa dog? That sounds like fun.
Alanis – Oh goodness, no. With Jeter and I, there really wasn’t a top dog. Or, better put, there wasn’t an obvious top dog. He would hump me, which is a sign of a dog displaying dominant personality – but he would also drop to the ground during play, which is a sign of a submissive dog.
JJ – I believe in equality for all dogs.
Alanis – If you take this in a political direction, daddy will revoke our rights to post in this blog.
JJ – What is “politicle”? If I don’t know what something means, how can I know to avoid it?
Alanis – It is something dumb that humans think is worth fighting over. I prefer fighting over a rope toy.
JJ – I am beginning to think that we are better off being dogs, based on your tone!
Alanis – Preach it! And no, that doesn’t mean we can talk about religion…
JJ – What is relig….?
Alanis – Stop right there – just don’t even. We’re DOGS!
JJ – I am trying to learn how to go to the bathroom in the big toilet.
Alanis – When daddy tries to potty train you, you instead gravitate towards the dozen or so tennis balls that Jeter and I played with out there! He finds it frustrating – I think it is funny.
JJ – Especily since it snoed last nite and the yard is all muddy. We get to get all dirty while that pain in the ass stands there, complaining…
Alanis – The jackass stands out there with you for 30 minutes – and you just come in and take a poop on the floor instead. Hilarious. Hahahahahahaha
JJ – I am wearning fast that he is easily fwustered by stuff like that. I have alweady figured out that I am not going anywear – mommy alweady said that Daddy go to hotel if he is getting mad. Daddy, go to hotel! So funny.
Alanis – We own this house, along with Mommy. That idiot is just made that he is #4 on the pecking order.
JJ – If you count the birds outside, he is no hier than 10th or 11th.
Alanis – You learn fast. Welcome home, JJ! You are going to love it here.
JJ: I alweady do, but this blogging stuff is weird. Time to go lay on Mommy’s Duke bwanket, and snore. I lay on a Duke blanket because I was named after a Duke basketball player….
Me: JJ was born on December 22, 2017, which means he is 8 weeks and 2 days as I type this. While he was named after a Duke basketball player, his name also pays tribute to Josh & Jeter, which is a nice bonus. He did very well on a long ride home, though a few stress barfs on that ride certainly made for a pleasant experience. He has, thus far, adjusted well to his new surroundings.
We were surprised when he slept in his crate for 3.5 hours overnight before he started yelping, crying, barking, howling – just about anything he could do to tell us that since he couldn’t sleep, we needed to be up as well. Crate training is a very important part of dog ownership, and it can be challenging at first. Last night was JJ’s first night sleeping by himself since the day he was born. He isn’t used to it, and he is a Golden Retriever. Golden Retrievers love to be with their pack – it is a part of their DNA from the moment they are born. That can make it more challenging when you are training them to go into their crates, but it will make your life easier when you can simply say “Go crate!” to get your dog into the crate if someone knocks on your door or needs to come into your house. Even if you are in the same situation as we are (we both work from home), there will inevitably come that time when you do need to leave the house without the dog – and trust me, if a dog is not ready to be left out of his crate while you are gone, you will regret it when you walk back in that door.
So far, JJ is batting about .500 when it comes to his housebreaking. He may not fully understand the concept of what I am trying to teach him, but he is sniffing around and finding a “spot” in the backyard, which is a good sign. Eventually, the time will come when he will just decide to follow Alanis outside and the rest will be history.
JJ is a chewer. Most puppies are (though when we first brought Jeter home, it wasn’t a huge interest of his – another early sign that Jeter was going to be an Obedience King!) JJ is chewing on sneakers, sweat pants, blankets, was able to pull on the tablecloth hard enough to get a box of cookies to fall off (he didn’t get to eat them!), and (of course) hands and fingers. This is natural behavior. If the hand biting is annoying (or painful!) a little “yelp” can go a long way to get your puppy to stop, or at least lessen, the behavior. These are the situations where you have to “think like a dog” – what would his litter mates do if he was getting to be too rough, or hurt them with his teeth? They would yelp.
Puppies are SPONGES for learning. You can start teaching them things the moment they come home, including names. I am going to start teaching him sit soon, as I try to get him at least a little knowledge before he goes to his first puppy class. They can gain (and retain) a lot of knowledge at a very young age. Your goal is simple: Teach them how to do these things while keeping it fun for them. If your puppy sits five times in a row, but decides not to do it a 6th time, don’t fret. Be patient. Move on to other things.
All this said, you didn’t bring a puppy into your house to fulfill an Army General fantasy. You brought in a puppy to add some excitement to your life. You brought in a puppy to entertain you. Perhaps even protect you as they matured. Training classes are important. Emphasizing that training in your home environment between classes is essential. It isn’t all you do. Letting the puppy be a puppy is just as important as teaching him manners. I talk often on here about the incredible obedience trait that Jeter had. He loved doing it so much that I remember having to stop myself from overdoing it when he was younger. You don’t want your dog to become a robot – what you DO want is a dog that comes back to you if he accidentally gets loose. A dog that won’t touch a bottle cap if you accidentally drop one. A dog that respects you as a leader. That is what you learn in training class.
Golden Retrievers are naturally goofy, and many of them maintain that goofiness for life. Even when Jeter was sick, he was still goofy. Alanis is goofy. JJ is beyond goofy. Josh was more reserved, but he was still flailing around his turtle toy even when his arthritis was advancing. The puppy you bring home will grow both physically and mentally, and will get over his “puppy habits”. But he may never stop being a puppy in personality.