Golden Retrievers Speak: Food!

Jeter:   Gosh, when it came to food, no dog in history will ever have Josh beat – that dog was obsessed with food.  The funny thing about Josh was that he had this great ability to tune people out – especially Daddy – but once that cheese wrapper was opened, he suddenly became the most alert dog you will ever find.

Alanis:   In general, we are all food driven – but Josh was indeed one of a kind.   But you have to admit Jeter that you have become worse and worse as the years have gone by.

Jeter:  No argument here.  I used to be a bit more tame when it came to food – would wait to be called.  Wouldn’t take it without permission, etc.  Now?  As soon as Mommy and Daddy get up out of their chairs, I assume food is coming my way.

Alanis:    I am terrible when it comes to thinking that everything is food.  Jeter never gets into any mischief by eating random things on the floor.  Me?   I have tried to eat paper plates, cinnamon capsules, leaves when we go for walks – anything and everything that I think can fit into my stomach.

Jeter:   And we both eat the bird seed that Mommy throws on the deck.  I think it gave me some stomach upset one day – but, since logic isn’t a part of my life, I just ate it again anyway.

Alanis:     Yeah, the bird seed is really good!   We always regret eating it later, but we all can use an indulgence every now and again.

Jeter:    Notice how we have not yet talked about our kibble…

Alanis:  As Daddy likes to say, what people feed their pets is something that can create major debates.

Jeter:   Right now, we eat Rachael Ray.   We have gone through many foods in our lifetimes.     Just like a box of Macaroni and Cheese may not be the best thing for a human to put in their bodies, some kibble is not ideal for us to put inside of our bodies.

Alanis:   This is true – Daddy’s mantra has never really changed:  You should get your dog the highest quality kibble that you can reasonably afford.    Driving yourself crazy over this is just not worth it.  If a zealot wishes to criticize you, just tell them to go bark up their own tree.

Jeter:   Indeed.  Meanwhile, I am going to continue to eat whatever those darn humans wish to give to us.    As we all know now, life is precious – live it up a bit.

Me:    I never like to even entertain debates on dog food.  Look at any online message board on dogs, and you will find an ugly debate on dog food, and whether you should even feed your dog kibble.    Dogs have lived forever on kibble and Mighty Dog.    I agree completely that you should feel your dog the best food you possibly can, but the most important thing is that they are getting FED.  That’s it.

As for foods to avoid, I documented some of that here.     I have gone as far as not getting onions on any sandwich that I order because I know I am likely to give a piece of roast beef to the dogs.     Keep cabinets closed, and foods sealed.  If you are unsure whether your dog should have something, contact your vet or look around online.    

Golden Retrievers Speak: Guard Duty!

Jeter:   We are considered such a lovable breed that most would probably say that we do not make great guard dogs. While it is true that we will not intimidate most with the size of our bite, we have different ways of making sure you stay far away.

Alanis:  It starts with our bark!   We don’t really mean to startle our humans with our 3:30AM barking at the air, but when we do that, we sense something – it may be nothing more than a random noise we hear outside.  It could be people walking by that we think are simply too close for comfort.

Jeter:  Josh was the master of the late night bark – he would just run to the window and start barking.  He had that very deep, “big dog” bark.  I swear if people just heard the bark without seeing the dog, they would have thought Cujo may be on the other side of the door!

Alanis:   I bark often, and it can be a bit jarring.  I am a bit like Josh in that I will start barking instantly if I hear someone outside.  We live close to a convenience store, so people can walk by at all hours of the day.  I have started to become very aware of their presence.

Jeter:   When daddy isn’t home, my alertness goes up even more.   Mommy has commented many times about how aware I am of EVERYTHING when daddy isn’t home.   Of course, I am a better protector than that klutz would ever be, anyway.  He would probably fall down the stairs if he ran down them to check for an intruder.

Alanis:   Bahahahaha!    They need dogs, because that moron can’t even walk two steps without falling sometimes.

Jeter:   My bark is obnoxious, but I can’t sustain it.  I can let out a quick bark or two, but that is it.  Josh used to sustain it for several minutes, and Alanis has that ability as well.   Of course, given how jarring my bark is, it is probably a good thing I cannot sustain it for long.

Alanis:  Look, we will FREELY admit that if your goal is to find a guard dog that perhaps our breed is not perfect for that purpose.   We may use our bark to keep people away, but we are just big softies in the end.  That said, you can read online about many stories where humans were protected by their Golden Retrievers.  Remember this fact:  We are playful and fun, but are also fiercely loyal.

Jeter:  Yep!   I even warned a few family members at Christmas to not get too close to my Mommy.   Don’t tempt fate with us, because we can surprise you!

Me:   Golden Retrievers will never rank high on the list of dogs one would adopt for protection purposes.   However, they are loyal companion dogs and are not likely to easily allow strangers access to those who provide them their food.   Josh had a bark that would make any stranger run away.  Jeter is sweet, but also has a bit of a feisty side to him.   Alanis is the type of dog that will bark if she senses any kind of movement outside the house.     I certainly wouldn’t tempt fate as a stranger, while also recognizing that our dogs are more likely to wag their tails for a belly rub when push comes to shove. 

Golden Retrievers Speak: Welcome Home!

Jeter:  Well, this blog post will probably be short and sweet.  Josh “came home” on Tuesday (Valentine’s Day!).   I had to sniff the wooden box his ashes came in, because that is what I do.   Mommy put the box on a table, and draped it with Josh’s favorite toy.    Surprisingly enough, even though she COULD grab it if she wanted to, Alanis has stayed away from the toy.

Alanis:  The temptation is there, trust me!  But, for some reason, dogs that have entered this house have always known what is theirs and what isn’t when it comes to toys – Mommy has a big display of stuffed animals in multiple areas of the house, and we never touch them!

Jeter:  I heard a story about how mommy once bought a Halloween blanket, all rolled up.   She put it down on the couch, and Josh walked by and took it!

Alanis:  Now, that is something I might do!

Jeter:   It is still sad that Josh is no longer here – his “cone of shame” is actually in the exercise room, and I sniff it every time I go in there.

Alanis:  What I find amazing about you Jeter is that you NEVER touched the bowl that Josh drank out of.  Me?  I don’t care – I drink out of whatever bowl is available.  But you always stayed away from that bowl…..

Jeter:  Until this week, right?   All of a sudden, a bowl I indeed never drank out of has become probably my favorite bowl.  I think I am finally realizing that “physical” Josh isn’t coming back – I can still smell him on certain things, but I probably no longer feel his alpha presence.  He never yelled at me for drinking out of “his” bowl, but indeed, out of some sort of respect, I never did until this week.

Alanis:   We are such interesting creatures – those humans will never figure us out completely!  And thank goodness for that…..

Me:    There was a bit of “finality” when Josh’s ashes were delivered on Tuesday.  Finality in that everything has now gone full circle and he is back home with us forever.    His physical presence is missed – Colleen and I even talked today about how Josh always made his presence known.  When he entered a room, he didn’t just nudge the door open – he slammed through it.  When he wanted to come in from outside, he didn’t just sit by the door like Jeter does – he barked and jumped until we let him in.   He truly was a dog who had a presence about him – a confidence you just don’t see in many dogs.     Josh will always be a huge part of this blog, wherever it may lead.  But the new normal has certainly set in for all of us, including the dogs.

Golden Retrievers Speak: New Members of the Pack?

 

Jeter:    It has been over a week since Josh passed away, and this may be a good time to talk about adding new members to an existing pack.

Alanis:   Humans sometimes will try to fill the void of losing a pet by immediately going out and getting a new pet.   There are reasons why this may not be the smart move.

Jeter:   Correct.  Looking at it from our perspective, humans need to realize that not only did we just lose a pack member – we lost the dog we thought was leading our pack.   Our dynamics are in a bit of chaos (though, to be honest, Alanis and I are handling pack alignment just fine – we are just a bit out of whack).

Alanis:    Being out of whack is natural for a pair of dogs that lost the alpha.    The problem with bringing a new dog into our structure is simple:   Although we are both friendly towards other dogs (even with Jeter sometimes being a tad snippy….)

Jeter:  Oh, stop with that – I just need a few minutes to get used to a dog and I hate it when dogs invade my space initially.  THAT IS WHY I SNAPPED AT YOU, GIRL!   The moment we met, you decided it would be a good idea to get right in my face!   Made me nervous –  I didn’t know your intentions.

Alanis:    Yeah, I know – I can’t help it.  I try to make my presence known everywhere I am.    But this is why adding a new dog to a pack that just lost a dog can be a bit tricky.

Jeter:   Especially if you do it too soon.   We are still trying to process the loss of Josh.   Imagine if humans bring a new dog into our lives that has more of an alpha tendency?   We may not be happy with that.

Alanis:  And if you bring in a dog that is a bit more submissive, we may not take kindly to that either – we may gang up on the poor dog.   This has nothing to really do with our temperament.      We are animals that need structure.  If that structure is thrown into any kind of chaos when we aren’t ready, it can lead us to being confused as we mourn the loss of our friend.

Jeter:    We understand that humans love us very much and want to help another dog, potentially.   Be patient with it – let us get through this trying time for everybody.   Eventually, we will get back on track and more accepting of a new member in our pack.

Me:   My wife and I have not even discussed a new dog yet.    This is not likely in our near future.      It may be a little easier to bring in a new dog if you are a one-dog household, but even then, you have to make sure you are emotionally ready to do so.  Some “experts” suggest not getting a dog that looks like the dog you lost.  I am not sure I agree with that, but everyone is different.   As we know with our Goldens, they are all unique in their own ways (in terms of look and personality) – getting another Golden wouldn’t lead us to compare the new dog to Josh.    We wouldn’t try to fit him into the Josh mold.    Regardless, this is always a decision to take very seriously, and you should indeed think about the other dogs in your household before you take the plunge.   They are missing their pack mate, and if they aren’t ready for a new member, it can lead to some resentment.    As is the case with most things when it comes to dogs, you will know when the time is right.  

Here is a good article on the entire process of grief, and how dogs may handle it.

 

Golden Retrievers Speak: Memories of Josh

Alanis:   I wish I would have known Josh when he was younger – he was still a healthy dog when I got here, but he had already slowed down and his play time was limited to just playing a bit with Jeter.  He mostly ran away when Jeter and I would play.

Jeter:  You have no idea, girl.     We had some fun play sessions together.   The best memories I always will have with Josh were our beach days.   We would go in opposite directions – Mommy would take Josh for a sea shell tour, while I played ball with Daddy.    The funniest thing about Josh is that he HATED the ocean water.  He was like a 2-year old kid feeling the ocean water for the first time – he would hop back and generally just not like the sensation at all.  Meanwhile, I LOVED the ocean water and would often leave the beach soaked.

Alanis:   It has already been stated, but my best memory of Josh was Day 1.  My daddy and my previous owner got a kick out of how Josh sniffed me and walked off.    Daddy told her that it is exactly how he expected it go down, but it was funny.   He would rather prance around the park than be bothered “feeling me out” as a new member of the pack.

Jeter:   Josh hated the rain, which is interesting for a dog who (as I have heard) would run through the sprinklers when he was younger.   There were days when he would go 24 hours without going outside just because of the rain.  Often, it would get to the point where he knew he had no choice, so he rushed outside, ran under the deck, and rushed back in.

Alanis:    I remember our rides as a “threesome” together.   My parents don’t exactly own a car meant for three big Golden Retrievers, but we found a way to make it work.   Josh used to love laying down in the back seat, but he didn’t mind sitting up just so all three of us could be comfortable!

Jeter:  He was the quietest dog ever in the car.   Our parents often commented on whether Josh was actually back there!  He would occasionally do his “happy pant”, but there were times when he would be as far back in the back seat as possible, not making any noise at all.

Alanis:   I never had the opportunity to take walks with Josh.   I don’t think Daddy walked us once together.

Jeter:   He didn’t.  I was getting two walks a day – one with him, and one with you.    Walking with Josh was fun.   Daddy loved it because Josh was a dog who quickly lost interest in squirrels during walks.    If this wasn’t a busy area, Daddy could have walked Josh without a leash.  He would just prance along, forcing people to greet him even if they wanted nothing to do with him.  I like to think that Josh made dog lovers out of people who probably weren’t dog lovers before meeting him.

Alanis:   I missed so much, but Jeter has told me so much about his younger days – the play sessions, the long and short rides, the walks, etc.

Jeter:    I have only scratched the surface with you, girl.   I will continue to tell you stories every time a new memory comes into my head.

Alanis:   How about that damn “turtle” toy?

Jeter:  Oh, yes – the turtle.  See, everyone, Josh wanted nothing to do with tennis balls.  Nothing.  Some humans say that they have never seen a Golden who didn’t like a good game of fetch with a tennis ball.  Well, Josh was one.   He would occasionally catch a ball if daddy tossed him one, but more often than not, he would just let the ball hit him in the nose.   But when it came to that TURTLE, watch out!  He carried and whipped that thing around every day – he broke so many of those toys that I think our parents took out a home loan just to keep up with getting him new ones.

Alanis:  I do remember that on Christmas, they would give Josh the toys first, just so he can carry them around – 99% of the time, he would do a few laps with the new toy, drop it, and never care about it again.  He would go right back to his turtle.

Jeter:  He was also a big fan of bones.  He loved his bones.

Alanis:  Hide and seek with treats!  I haven’t really played that game much, but when I first came here, daddy played that game often.  He would have us “wait” somewhere in the house.  He would hide treats all over the house and have us find them.   Josh likely always found the most (he learned all the hiding places before Jeter and I even got here!), but that game was fun.

Jeter:   I can talk about this all night.  The two of us have shown, in different ways, how much we miss our friend.   I am probably more out of whack than she is, for obvious reasons.   He was our leader – a true alpha – and now, we kind of lack direction within the pack.

Alanis:  Yep.   We will figure it out, buddy – it was just easier letting him call the shots, while we just did our own thing.

Me:   The house dynamic has really changed over the past week.  The dogs are just having some trouble, I think, figuring out what exactly to do next in terms of forming a hierarchy here.  As I stated yesterday, they will figure all of that out.

Our entire household continues to miss Josh, and we always will.    For as long as we all live, we will never forget the first dog that gave this entire household so much joy.  

 

Golden Retrievers Speak: Do We “Grieve”?

Jeter:     This is such a complex question.    You can read different articles from different perspectives on whether we grieve when a member of our pack passes away.      I will say this – we don’t grieve like humans do.    Since we don’t really understand the concept of death while we are living, we can’t really “rationalize” it when another member of our pack dies.  However, there could be other dynamics going on.

Alanis:   For example, Daddy caught me the other day laying down in the middle of the kitchen.    The middle of the kitchen had become Josh’s spot for the last few months of his life.    This is not a spot I have been known to rest in, so why do I lay there?    The most plausible is that Josh’s scent is obviously still in the house – the humans probably can’t sense it, but we can.    It is also possible that I am wondering where the other dog in the house went, and since that is his spot, I am just waiting for him to return to it.    This isn’t necessarily “grieving” – it is me being a bit out of sorts because he has left.

Jeter:  Speaking of out of sorts, I have been a crazy dog since the dreaded day.  I am an excitable Golden Retriever – always have been.  But I have been extreme for the past several days.   When I go for walks, I am laser focused on the walk – today, I kept drifting over next to where Alanis was walking.    I have read (in those doggie books that only we can read) that one sign of a dog who is distressed over losing a member of their pack is the tendency to be clingy.  I have always been a clingy dog anyway, but I have taken it to new extremes lately.  I want nothing to do with being alone.   I should also note that I have done some sniffing around the house.

Alanis:   Do you think it is possible that we are acting up a bit because he was the alpha dog?

Jeter:   Maybe.    Although Josh was no longer leading us in the last few months, the respect was likely never lost.    Now we don’t have that respected leader.  Neither myself nor Alanis has alpha tendencies.   Sure, I am being fed first now, and Daddy usually leashes me up first for walks, etc.   But I have zero interest in the role of a true alpha dog….at least now.

Alanis:  You have been humping me more often though!

Jeter:   True.  And it is true that a dog that humps another dog could be showing some alpha.    But I used to hump Josh as well.  And I have always humped you.   But I am extremely submissive, and rarely do I bark at Alanis or any other dog if I am “angry” with them.     It could just be our pack dynamic right now in this house.  Neither one of us cares whether we lead – Josh took pride in being THE dog.   But that can change once the dust settles.

Alanis:    How about the fact that we both acted strangely when we went for rides in the car?

Jeter:   Josh’s scent was all over the car at that point.  We went through a bit of craziness because we knew that scent.  It doesn’t mean we necessarily understood everything, but it could have provided us some “doggie closure”.

Alanis:   Very true.   I usually get in the back seat and instantly go to sleep.   That day, I was going to a training class and I was going crazy in the back seat.

Jeter:  Yep.  I did a lot of sniffing.

Alanis:   So, do we grieve?    Yes and no.   If there was a dog funeral, for example, we wouldn’t walk in with our tails between our legs and our heads down.  We just don’t think of things that way.  What we likely CAN figure out is that our friend is no longer with us, for whatever that reason may be, and that we have some sort of sense of what a certain scent may indicate.

Jeter:  Indeed.  Don’t ask us to rationalize what “death” means.  But do realize that we likely have some sense over a dog that leaves with the intention of coming back vs. a dog that leaves that won’t be coming back.    And understand that different dogs can act differently.  I have heard that many dogs will start howling when one dog leaves the pack.  This is not necessarily grieving – this is likely the dog thinking their friend is simply lost, and they are trying to bring the dog back.

Me:     This is a topic that is impossible to really know the full answer to.  Researchers continue to find out that dogs are much more complex than we give them credit for sometimes.  The behavior of our two dogs has certainly changed a bit, and it is much more noticeable in Jeter.     Using human logic, it is easy to make a connection:  Josh was essentially Jeter’s leader – he let Jeter know on multiple occasions that he was the alpha dog in this house.  Jeter played with him, licked him constantly, went on many rides together, etc.  It simply is not a coincidence that Jeter would be more out of sorts than Alanis would be.    This all tells me there is an emotional thing going on – again, probably not the same emotions my wife and I feel.    

If you have two or more surviving dogs, it is very important to not force the issue with them in terms of house structure.  If one of them attempts to become the new pack leader, don’t jump in and say “NO!  We want this other one to lead the pack!”  It won’t work.  Let them figure out their own hierarchy.  Jeter’s increased “humping” of Alanis can certainly be a sign that he is trying to be a bit more assertive in this house, but there is really no way of knowing what the dynamic will be, if it changes at all.     Give your other dogs some extra love and attention.  Play with them, or let them go crazy with each other.   When humans go through a traumatic event, usually we do things to take our mind off of what happened.  Applying that same strategy to your dog can be beneficial for them to get past the loss of a pack mate.

Letter from Josh – July 5, 2004 – February 3, 2017

This blog’s twist since the day I opened up shop a few weeks ago is that it a blog about dogs…told from the perspective of the dogs themselves.    I can write forever on the cherished life of Josh, but I don’t know how much justice I can really provide.

Josh:    Well, I guess if you are sitting there typing this up, it means I am no longer there.      But trust me, I am there – I am always going to be there in some way, shape, or form.   Whether it be through Jeter or Alanis or any dog you may have in the future – they all will learn things that were passed down due to your experiences with me.

When you are a dog, the concept of time is meaningless.   If we run around a meadow as a 5-day old puppy or as a 15-year old senior, it all means the same to us.   We don’t care if we live for five days or 5,000 days – we just live.    We celebrate every day we are on Earth because we have no other choice – it is what we do.     While it was certainly great to be four years old and running around on the beach, I still enjoyed my time as a 12-year old dog with little mobility.   If I was happy, you were happy.   If you were happy, I was happy.   That was always the goal in this relationship.

I know you will grieve over my passing and that you will miss me. (Because how can one not miss all of my beauty, inside and out?), but always think two great thoughts for every sad one – you will find that it is easier to move on that way.      Never think about what may have gone wrong, because in my eyes, everything you did was right – even if it didn’t always go the way that was planned.

I remember the day you brought me home – crazy people coming up to the mountains of Pennsylvania after a snow storm for little ol’ me. (OK, there was never anything little about me – from the size of my body to the size of my personality to the size of my heart.  Am I bragging?   Perhaps, but I know it to be true).   I remember my Mommy instantly falling in love with me (so much so that I instantly farted – something I would continue to do all the way back home to New Jersey.  I found it funny).    I remember the woman saying “I will leave for a bit so you can discuss”, and you taking a minute to say “OF COURSE WE’LL TAKE HIM!”   It was a scary but fun first night.  Conquering those darn stairs was hard for me, but once I did, I was unstoppable.

Through the years, I was a little bit of everything all rolled up in one big, giant ball of fur.   I was the playful, crazy dog that pranced around the house carrying a big toy with eight legs that my parents called a “turtle” (Silly humans – it was a SPIDER!).   I was the dog that would lay by your side when you weren’t feeling well.  I was the dog who had the “Josh Patrol” – Iate at night, when my parents were watching TV, I would get up and just start walking through all the downstairs rooms, looking through the windows as if I was on guard duty.   I was the dog that could be next to you one moment, and off in my own little world the next.       I would walk on the beach for miles, collecting sea shells – I would run out in the snow, rolling around in it as if I was a polar bear.    When I was young, I would go outside at the crack of dawn just so I could run through the sprinklers.  I was an imp, but I didn’t care – after all, any mess I made, my parents would have to clean up.

I loved going for walks around the neighborhood, greeting everyone who walked by regardless if they wanted to pet me or not.  (trust me, most of them ended up having no choice BUT to pet me).    I loved hopping in the car to go for rides, no matter how long or short they were.  My parents took me everywhere.   I had the life of a king, and one of my nicknames was King Josh.

When my parents brought home a bunny rabbit, I didn’t miss a beat.   I loved that little guy for the short time we had together.  When they brought home Jeter, I welcomed him with open paws, even if he was a little pain in the ass.  When I met Alanis, well – at that point, I had reached retirement and wanted nothing to do with her lunacy.   I met her in a dog park – gave her a few sniffs and ran off.  That was the Josh Stamp of Approval.

I can go on and on, but I am getting tired – and seriously, I would rather eat and drink than type up a full memoir.

To my mommy:  Thank you for everything.  I was your Great Protector because I knew how much you loved me.   You showered me with so much love and affection, and of course, TREATS!  (the way to a Golden’s heart is through the treat bag).    You say that I was the perfect dog – well, you were the perfect owner that molded me into the perfect dog.  Our beauty shines through our owners.

To my daddy:  Thanks for all of the walks and constantly playing with me.   You know I will always be Mommy’s dog, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate what you gave. (I would have been happier with less vet visits though.  I swear that early on he would take me to the vet if I had a hangnail)

To Jeter:  Carry on the tradition, my friend.  You were a pain in the ass at times, but you would always give me kisses at the end of our play time.  Those kisses continued to happen just about every day even when my playing days were over.  You were my first partner in crime, and we shared so many days on the beach and meatballs in our bowls.    I loved the 7+ years we had together.

To Alanis:   Sorry for snapping at you that one time, but you deserved it for constantly trying to make an old dog play with you.   Seriously though – my Daddy has said you share some of my traits (don’t get cocky – I didn’t say ALL of my traits!  I never ripped through drywall or couch cushions!)    Continue to mature and blossom into the dog you are becoming. Part of me actually loved it when I would see you torment Jeter – PAYBACK!

To all of those who came in contact with me:  Thanks for all the welcomes, all the meatballs, all the Milk Bones, and all of the love.  I know people in this neighborhood loved my wagging tail when I was walking, and I always overheard Daddy tell Mommy how people asked about me when I could no longer go for walks.     It is always nice to be loved, even by those who don’t know you.

My life was full and my journey was complete.    I hope that one day people can sit back and think about how dogs view the world, and try to envision it like we do.  No greed (except when it comes to TREATS!), no hate, no fighting over petty differences.   Live today as if tomorrow isn’t even on the calendar – don’t be limited by the numbers on a clock or the next page of a calendar.   The next number may never come, and the next page may never be turned.

The circle of life is often not fair, in the mind of humans.  For me, the circle of life was perfectly fair and overwhelmingly positive.  I stamped my paw print in the lives of many, left their lives knowing they were better for having known me than if they didn’t, and never let a second go by without appreciating everything.  What was not to love?   I know not of death – I only know life.  And damn, was it ever precious.

Love to everyone –

Josh

Me:    Josh will forever be missed by us – he was a special dog with special traits that just don’t come around often.    He was the type of dog you could easily take for granted because he really never did ANYTHING wrong.  We tried not to fall into that trap, though.   He was loved not only by us, but an ENTIRE neighborhood of people who often commented about him when we would walk by.    I don’t know where this decade + went, but I DO know that it wouldn’t have been the same without him.   Rest in peace, dear friend.  Hope the rainbow bridge is filled with gourmet treats and plenty of fuzzy “turtles”.  We love you.

 

Golden Retrievers Speak: Super Bowl Picks!

Josh:  I’ve had a rough few days, but I am going to still give my analysis of this game.

Jeter:  I love the Super Bowl!   There are always plenty of dog commercials to choose from!

Alanis:  I love it when a Golden Retriever scores!

Josh:  That’s the Puppy Bowl, jackass.

Alanis:  Oh.

Jeter:   The Puppy Bowl is fun to watch, too.  Who is playing in the Super Bowl this year?   Are the Golden Retrievers in it?

Me:  There doesn’t exist a team in any professional sport called the Golden Retrievers.

Josh:  Well, there should be – Patriots?  Falcons?  What kind of names are those?

Jeter:   I don’t like the Patriots.

Alanis:  Nobody does.  I think even Patriots fans are getting tired of them.

Josh:    OK, what are our predictions?  I need to get back to sleep – I haven’t been feeling well 🙁

Jeter:  Sorry, Josh – we can tell when your days are rough.  I am going with Falcons 34, Patriots 28!

Alanis:   That’s a lot of touchdowns!

Jeter:   You get six points for every touchdown, girl.

Alanis:  Oh.

Josh:  Enough of your bickering.  I am going with Falcons 27, Patriots 21.

Alanis:   If touchdowns are worth six points each, why aren’t any of your scores multiples of six?

Jeter:  Ummmm…oh, never mind.

Alanis:  Well, it’s dumb.  So I am going with the only thing that makes sense.  Multiples of six!   Falcons 30, Patriots 18

Josh:  That score is almost impossible, but whatever – you can have your fun.  I am back to bed.

Jeter:   Hope you feel better Josh.   I hope everyone enjoys Super Bowl Sunday!

Me:  The only tip I can give today is to watch those snacks!  Dogs are sneaky, sneaky!  Leave some chips in a spot where they can reach them and you will end up sometimes with zero chips.  To emphasize this point, Jeter and Alanis are very well-trained not to touch anything.  Tonight, Colleen left a biscuit in the bedroom and went into another room.  When she returned, no more biscuit!  So just be aware that Goldie may try their own little sneak attack.  Enjoy the game!